It's rough, ripped knees, but head held high.

It's been a hard couple of weeks. Really hard. At one point I just threw my phone under my bed and left it there for 2 days. Nobody wanted to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I've been battling my depression again. It's hit full force and no medication to help me this time. Between the breakup, untrustworthy friends, coming home from Christmas, and lost self confidence, I wasn't sure that it could get much worse. I just want to be back to the person I was 7 months ago. But I caught a break as I've been reading these new books. "The Hunger Games". They've been my escape. Go figure... Haha a book that's about fighting to the death is what is making me smile. I've got to get away from this place. I've tried hard to help people. Tried to make them smile. My humor, attitude, just myself in general, doesn't seem to merit enough credit for others to want me around. I need a new crowd. I know my potential. I'm freakin awesome. Not to sound conceded, but there isn't another country boi quite like me. I got scars on my hand from barbed wire and I wear an Abercrombie jacket. I got a muddy, sweaty cowboy hat that hangs next to my "Monster Energy" cap. I'm the best of both worlds. I'm Ryan Freakin Merrill! Boo yeah baby! Yeah I've made some mistakes, but who hasn't? I raised a little hay in my day (yes the grass, but the "trouble" kind of hay too). Don't dismiss me because I'm not the convenient "normal" guy. I've got my head on my shoulders, I know where I'm going. I want people around me that can be there for a lifetime. I know what I want and that's a family of my own. I'm not the creepy dude in the singles ward that just wants to date so that I can propose! No! Besides - that slot is already taken! Hahaha. I just want to find someone who can have fun - someone that I can have a blast spending the rest of my life with. I'll find her... Each "no" is just one closer to my "yes". But in the meantime I need the support of good friends. They've been scarce lately. Been let down by someone I've known for almost 6 years. That hurt the worst. Didn't know he could stoop that low. And didn't even man up to it either. Sorry for venting, but it just needed to come out. I need change - is there a bailout program for this?? I'll keep wearing out my knees in prayer. I've got Sooooooooo much to be thankful for. I'm so blessed tho have a father in heaven who loves me. He's getting me through this. It will be alright. I've already made up my mind about that! Until then... Chin up. "Be tough Ry-guy" as my grandpa used to say. Be tough....